not all griefs are the same

[k2daisy]

Maybe I am the odd man out, but I don't grieve for celebrities or public figures.

I am sorry they died, I remember and honor their work, I feel for their families and friends who will truly experience grief and loss from their deaths. I do feel many things when they die, but then I move on. Especially now that I am in the midst of my own personal grief journey, I can see and feel the difference between personal grief and parasocial grief.

There were a few major celebrity deaths this weekend, Rob Reiner and his wife Michelle, and Tony Geary from General Hospital. Both men created indelible stories and characters that live on in my head and millions of others' heads forever. All were gone way too soon. 78 (68 for Michelle) is too effing young to die.

Which is probably the thought that drove my subconscious to relive both of my parents' dying moments at 2am this morning. That's how old they were.

I am very tired of feeling the weight of this grief. I hate when it sneaks up on me like this, just as I think the hardest parts are over.

+++++

Trying out some new non-political podcasts lately, just to see what the fuss is. The self-help ones, yeah I dunno if they are for me. I have Mel Robbins on my playlist but I keep skipping them because they are really freaking long and there is something too polished and practiced about her. But this week was about "How to Make 2026 Your Best Year: 6 Questions to Ask Yourself." You guys know how much I love a good New Years Resolution list, so I thought this might be a good way to frame it this year.

The Questions:
1. What were the low points of your year?
2. What were the high points?
3. What did you learn this year?
4. What are you going to stop doing?
5. What are you going to continue doing?
6. What are you going to start doing?

I could fill a book with answers to number 1, but I can't think of a single answer to question 2. Every single "high" is tinged with bittersweetness. The Amtrak ride with my husband...after my parents' memorial service. Watching Molly bond with Abby and R...because she can't live with her original owners anymore. 

I will have to think about if these are the right questions for me this year. She put a lot of focus on the necessity of looking back in order to plan for the future, and that is how I have often framed my NYE Resolutions, but something about that this year feels redundant, wallowing, and unhelpful. So we shall see.

Comments

[lisforlilydale]

I grieve for celebrities and public figures as you do.

Maybe you would like an old school LJ year end meme? Here is mine from last year if you want to see the questions.

[k2daisy]

Thank you, that year-end meme may be a lot better for my emotional well-being than this one. I like that it asks more bite-sized questions about a range of topics.

[maidenjedi]

Grief is the worst. I'm so sorry you had that 2am experience. And I completely get you, being tired from the weight of it all.

[k2daisy]

Thanks. Thinking about you a lot, hope you are well.

[annieeats]

Thanks for the meme, I may steal it.

The Japanese do grief better. They have memorials after 7 days, 49 days, and every year. I wish we did something like that. I have found that it's not linear - it ebbs and flows and sometimes even many years later you suddenly get hit with a week or two of feeling like it just happened. It's so weird.

[k2daisy]

Have at it! Lilydale posted a link to different one with more bite-sized questions. I think I will do that instead.

In hindsight, I wish we had done Florida funerals immediately after for both, and then the larger memorial service in July for everyone at home in Connecticut. The lack of closure for so many months was very difficult.

[haphazardmethod]

Off Menu is one of my favorite non-politics podcast. The guest creates their dream menu. Sometimes it’s fancy or exotic, sometimes it’s school pudding or their grandmother’s roast potatoes. The stories that go with the choice are usually warm and fun.

[k2daisy]

Thanks, adding it to my podcast follows!